My Dating Cycle

Bothers me that a friend says that im back to my usual cycle with men. It's normally in this part of the so-called dating scene where I feel like things are most likely to go wrong on my end. I hate the feeling of uncertainty, when all that matters is the action and not the words. I'm sure some people enjoy the idea of not knowing what's next but most of the time it's torture for me :(




I've been seeing this great guy for about a month already and so far it has been really nice. We've had good, interesting, and deep conversations. I like how I learn from him. At the same time I feel like my "caring" side also shows when he's around. He also seems sincere but it may also be too early to tell.





Only a few so-called issues:





1. I'm normally the one inviting him to go out-- while on the bright side he never rejected any of my invites, it still feels really abnormal for me to be initiating the invite most of the time. That's not a very Filipino thing to do but for some reason I always end up inviting him. I think it has been working so far but the thought of him just sitting pretty is driving me nuts! What if I stop inviting? Will he even think of me?





2. Clingy side is about to show --- in the normal "cycle" I think this is one of the factors that scare the guys away. I have this tendency to get clingy with the guys I go out with! :( after our jog last night I felt the clingy symptoms arise. It's scaring me that I may lose the guy if I get too clingy. The first thing that I wanna do at the moment is to just stay away from him!





I'm overanalyzing everything again. Why can't I just enjoy the moment and let things flow? I need to play my cards right this time. So far I have been doing well, but why does it all have to change after that moment?!?!





I guess I need to stay away first. Before I lay down the wrong card. Aaaahh praning much!!!!!
 
*An entry from July 19.