Jealousy Oh Jealousy!

Pardon for not being able to blog for the longest time...

Aside from not having the convenience to do so as before (due to my dad's tendencies to make our PC his "second home"), despite the so, so many happenings in my life I end up not thinking of a specific thing to write about. But now that my creative and rational juices are coming out of its shell, I'm taking the opportunity to bash, splash (HAHA!), and crash my drama in life.

Just for an update (para makuha niyo kung bakit ganito ang entry ko ngayon), I am officially with someone (ie, attached, may boyfriend, in a relationship, in love... whatever you call it) for more than a month now. It's been ONE HECK of a rollercoaster life for me, having BLOGGED that "I am not ready for a relationship" or "I'm doomed to be single for life" to being... umm.. yes, IN LOVE. :-)

I am VERY PROUD to say that I am in love with an absolutely GREAT guy, complete with the whole "Mr. Pringles" package. He's adorable, huggable, and what's most important, he respects me for who I am. I guess the 20-year wait was worth it because God sure didn't fail me on this guy..... Oh, and what's funny... I am in love with a puppy (well, his name in Cebuano literally means puppy. haha)

... And now we go to the jealousy part. Call me a jealous, possessive girlfriend, but there are just a few few things that just pinches my heart when I hear him talking about someone (let's just call her "Jackie"). A few reasons why:

1. Jackie can be with him more than I could (ie, proximity issues... go figure)
2. Jackie and Mr. Pringles have more things in common (they share the same passion for one certain hobby (not specifying!!)
3. Jackie belongs to Mr. Pringle's circle of friends
4. ... something about Mr. Pringle's past that haunts me til this day!
5. Mr. Pringles has the tendency to occasionally bring up Jackie in our conversations

Other LAME reasons:
1. He has more pictures of her in his palm/celphone
2. Her gifts mean a lot to him (since it's inclined to his interests)
3. SHE is just too damn special to him (in my opinion, okay?)

It's not that I don't trust my boyfriend, there are just certain things about Jackie that makes me feel insecure about myself. I know she's a great girl, and the thought that with these instances around something MIGHT come out of it just hurts. My Dr. Love is right in saying that I should not feel this way but.... GOD, it has just bothered me lately.

I already told him about my insecurities, and I know these things hurt him too. The thing is, if I tell him these things, it would come out as if I DON'T TRUST HIM. It's as if HE IS MOST LIKELY PRONE of hurting me.... (but don't worry, things are okay between me and him:D)

And now I ask... How will I push away these feelings?

HOW????????????? :-(

Love oh Love!

In the most unexpected time, you suddenly stumble.... And fall in love.=)

God sure knows how to plan things.

SHAME!

Ever been in a situation where somebody accidentally gave you 20 pesos as change instead of just getting 5 pesos? I usually shout for joy when such incident happens to me. The exact thoughts in my mind: "Yes! Nakaisa ako! YEHEY!!"

But now that it happened to me again, I've lost that old feeling already. I feel ashamed just with the thought of what I would've done. It was so greedy of me to even think of such thing. I'm now hating myself.... a lot.

Why I'm Still Single

I got bored at work today, so I decided to answer a quiz from tickle.com.

The Quiz: Why are you still SINGLE?

I know, it's about my single-ness again, but I couldn't help but post the results here. It just speaks so much about how I feel.

Here's what tickle.com told me:

"Enjel, you're single because you don't want to commit

Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party. But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all. "


Haha. One word to describe after reading the results: WHAPAK!

I guess I need to risk IF I do want to get in a relationship. :)

Forever Ms. Matchmaker

I guess everybody who consistently reads my blog knows that I've never had a boyfriend since birth. I never really explained why I don't, but here are some reasons why even up to now, I've never had any dashing prince charming:

• Father Issues: I'm daddy's little princess and that scares some guys away.
• Immaturity issues: Back in college, when it came to issues of love and crushes, I had the heart of a thirteen year-old..... Yes. God knows how many crushes (and obssessions) I had years ago.
• My "Loudness": I guess being too talkative and active in school wasn't so attracting to guys.
• Wrong crowd: My friends say that I hang out with the wrong guys. It's either I meet guys who treat me like a sister...... Or guys make friends with me just because I know a girl they apparently like.

That last statement I just wrote has been a "curse" for me since time immemorial. Guys never made friends with me just because they were interested with me. It was always because I was the friend of this girl they liked or found pretty. It seemed like my name always had to be connected to another girl's name, a girl whom guys usually find "interesting" or "hot". Rarely do I meet guys who wanted to get to know who I am. Instead, I become friends with these guys because they'd like to get to know my friends through me.

I know. It's such a stupid insecurity, but experiencing the same thing over and over again isn't funny anymore. Actually, it gets really sick and tiring that these guys just want nothing but the 411 on my friends that they like. It even gets more annoying to see your crushes make friends with you just to get closer to your "pretty" or "more crushable" friends. What's worse, it REALLY sucks when guys just say hi to you when you happen to be in the company of your "hot" friend while totally forgetting they know you when they bump onto you in the mall alone.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for my friends who ended up in each other's arms through me. I'm happy that I was a "key factor" to their beautiful relationships. I've always believed that friendship is more important than my issues with men. I promised myself never to fight with a friend just because I guy I liked ended up liking her. I've always seen myself get over my crushes who end up with my friends. In fact, I still happen to be really close with these girl friends of mine...But how long will I be able to just forget and move on with life? I'm only human. My patience and understanding cannot last forever.

I just cannot be the matchmaker all the time. When will the time come for ME?:(