ABOUT TIME.

Last night, I FINALLY told myself that I've had enough of the nerd. It's no longer helping me. I cannot move on with him around. And I realized, after all the pain he has given me, I never really made him feel how mad and pissed I have been with how he has treated me. I always give in and forgive him for all his mistakes. It was too easy for him to win me back... After not talking to me for a month and coming back to my world just like that (back in May).. After taking my emails for granted and making me wait ALL THE TIME... After breaking my heart and telling me "it's all for the good" (maybe it's more for HIS good)... There are still so much more that I can write here but I choose not to...

THIS IS IT. It's about time I think of myself first before anybody else.

Goodbye.

PS.

To whom it may concern, please let me heal first. I thought I healed and moved on but looks like I haven't. It does not really help me that you are still around. Endless comments on my Facebook account. Emailing me random messages of "makes me remember our memories, etc", but when I send a random email of "I miss you" you just shrug it off. Messaging me on Gtalk only if you have time. Telling me you have problems but when I ask you say "I'm talking to God". Talking on Skype for 6 hours. Making me believe we can still work it out in the future.

I want to let you know I am also human and I FEEL. You tell me I am overly dramatic, YES I AM. But I am not overreacting. You deserve this after all the heartbreak and pain. I am tired and sick of waiting and hoping. I need my life back. I need me.

Goodbye Northtown...

It's official. A Japanese family has finally decided to rent our house in Cebu from January 1, 2010 onwards. So far, they will be staying for a year, but may extend further.

Call it lame, but I have been pretty much affected with this news. When I found out about it, it felt so surreal-- I always thought my dad was just joking when he says that we have the house rented.

I should actually be the BEST person to handle things like this... I have lived in more than 10 houses (in some points of my life -- Hotel Rooms!) and moved around the country as a kid, for crying out loud! And it's not as if I have been away from Cebu for the past 7 years of my life... But here I am, wallowing like some jerk broke my heart.

It's probably because there were too much memories that it was difficult to let them all go just like that. From the numerous birthday parties, reunions and high school group projects to just the random late night visits and swimming sessions at the clubhouse with family friends, those moments were irreplaceable. I grew up in that house. I felt comfort and security whenever I'm home. It was one of the "good reasons" to give to friends or colleagues when you want to take a break from reality the stress of the City Life.

And now that we are just a few weeks away from January 1, I think it is just right to go home one more time to bid farewell. One last time for me to go through my 1999 Candy Diary with quotes such as, "met up with like this & like that in Brutus, Glee Club Practice!"... Or probably I'll safe keep the chat notebook (that almost got us suspended at school) and High School Photo Album and bring it with me to Manila... Maybe one last dip in the pool at 7AM to just think and have some "me" time... Have a fabulous steak dinner care of my dad with the family... Sit by the swing in our garden and have a heart-to-heart talk with my mom... Wake up to the sound of the roosters only to find out it's just 4:30 in the morning... Sleep on the "banig" in my parents' room just because I am their little princess... Peek by the kitchen door to say Hi to Jazzy, our Labrador... Play the "powder game" by the garage with friends... Have the whole clan over for dad's & cousin's birthday...

And maybe a family christmas tree picture all together one last time.

Sad, but this is the painful reality. We must learn how to let go of certain things and move on with life. On a brighter note, I am now seeking for my new home. Ortigas is just a temporary home, I will find my next home in a year or two. And hopefully, that will be another big adventure.

So for now, goodbye Northtown, Talamban, Cebu City. I will miss you A LOT.

The Nerve of the Nerd!!

12 days have passed and nothing still. No email, no offline message, nothing.

I have asked myself so many questions these past few days (and giving myself
stupid, useless excuses) why this is all happening. A few reasons I have thought of:

- He's busy (counterargument: But he has a blackberry)
- He's really busy (counterargument: No simple Hello given that he has a blackberry?)
- He doesn't know what to say
- He's thinking about the whole set-up
- He found someone else
- He's being a coward
- He realized he is not into women (haha, how lame but who knows right?)
- His boss prohibited him to access the net at work (counterargument: Duh. As if that stopped him before)


Or maybe he's just not that into me. (counterargument: c'mon, after everything that happened the past 6 months?!) (counterargument to the counterargument: he's just a jerk.)

God, I can't believe I am being my overanalytic self again. It's just that I hate waiting in general. Not knowing why these things happen... Why all of a sudden, I do not hear from him AT ALL. I do not deserve this treatment. Heck, I do not deserve having all of these feelings. Until he gives a very valid reason for this whole hiatus, it will be difficult for me to get things back to the way they were.

Just so unfortunate for me to be getting so affected with all this boy drama. Maybe it's because I saw so much "potential" in this whole set-up.... Plus the family really rooted for him... I honestly want to stop myself from feeling this way but I do not know where to start. It's totally driving me nuts and I am being unfair to myself for letting it get too much into me. :( I hope I'll be okay soon... I better be okay real soon for my own sanity!! But given my "track record", I think I'll be okay.

Random Post

I miss writing on my blog. Indeed, it has been a while. This will be a random post, so I thought maybe I'd write some random questions and feelings too. Randomize, I shall do.

1. My left eye has been weird lately. It has been "shaking" occasionally since last Saturday. Is this a sign of stress? Overworked eyes? Too much time on the PC?
2. I had the weirdest craving as well for Food Corner Shawarma Rice today, although I didn't get to have one for lunch nor dinner. How about tomorrow? I am looking for a Food Channel Buddy. Please help me satiate this craving. Haha.
3. Bi-Polar people are the worst.
4. When's the next vacation???? I am so dying to get one.... AGAIN.
5. This is bad, I am craving for steak as well. OINK OINK Mode.
6. I am not so sure if I should be happy or sad about my next business trip this June.
7. My to-do list at work last week reached to letter AD... So that's from point A-Z, then AA-AD. Damn.
8.I had my nails done yesterday, and they are in foxy red. Sizzle.
9. I can't believe Twix costs 50pesos in Mini-Stop and 36 pesos in 7-11. Screw you franchising!
10. Can I get a vacation leave? I guess not.
11. I had the sweetest textmate today. My cute 8-year old pamangkin texted me and told me she misses me! Aaww... :)
12. Grey is the color of uncertainty, and it is not my favorite color at all.
13. ARRRGGGHH. Go figure.
14. I've been singing Taylor Swift's Love Story non-stop. What the...
15. My heart just skipped a beat, and it was not worth it.

That was fun. I should write random thoughts more often. Okay, later.

Cebu!

I am so excited to go home this Thursday.... I wonder why???? hehehe:) I am sure to post photos of my Good Friday experience. Yihee to self. :D