It's been two months since the nerd and I have last spoken. Two months have passed since I received that damned "friendly" greeting card and informative cookbook (yes, it's very informative-- contains 200 recipes below 200 calories while the other one's about 1,000++ pages thick! LOL). Two months.... and counting.
I can't believe time has flown by THIS fast. A lot of things have changed. I went through a major work dilemma (still going through it), been to T-Town & CDO, joined my first run, made friends with a new officemate, continued running some more, lost some weight, partied like rockstars at friends' birthdays, attended a close friend's wedding in Tagaytay... It has been nothing but pure awesomeness for the past weekends of 2010.
But admittedly, there are still days when I miss him. :( Once in a while (especially when I chance upon watching EMO movies hehehe), I still remember our happy moments... But of course after those happy moments, the annoying moments follow. haha.
I don't know, I guess I just miss having a friend like him. He was one of those people whom I could talk to about anything under the sun. With his different cultural background, he would always give me a different perspective on things and issues. I also enjoyed giving advice and helping him out with his issues. I don't think I'll meet someone like him at home.
On the other hand, from these past two months of contemplating and living my life to the "fuller" (not fullest, I believe I have not reached my peak yet hehe), I realized how much I have learned from our failed relationship. The most important thing I have learned is never to give soooo much of yourself to someone else because you lose yourself in the process. I realized I was probably too clingy to the point where it became abnormal already. I figured that there's no such thing as "fate" and "soulmates". I became a lot less of a hopeless romantic... I'm not sure if this will be for the better or worse, but I realized as well how this whole experience has "traumatized" me to fall in love again.... I'm definitely not going to jump to a new relationship anytime soon... Heck, I am not even getting attracted to other men (so not me, by the way)!!
I actually attempted to communicate with him very recently but I did not get any reply. I am sure he has his own reasons. I'm no longer expecting him to reply back, he's probably moved on and is in a better disposition by now. I guess only time can tell what will happen. For now, I just need to accept and move on. I think I am almost there. I hope once I have totally gotten over him, we can still be friends. We have the same birthdays, after all (haha where's the connection?!?!).
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Random Thoughts: 1/27/10
1. I stumbled upon the synopsis of the new movie, Dear John based on Nicolas Sparks' novel. Upon reading the novel it just made my heart melt more. Can't help but imagine that this could happen to me. And it more or less proves that long distance relationships are just too difficult to keep.
2. On a brighter note, I am looking forward to watching Valentine's Day. Aside from its star-studded cast, I am curious to know what will happen in this movie... Most likely to be very reminiscent of "He's Just Not that Into You" or "Love Actually". Now all I need is a movie date.
3. I am thinking if I have been too harsh with him on the whole situation... I don't know, it just makes me wonder what would happen if we have kept in touch until now.
4. I hate getting stressed and all paranoid. It blocks my problem solving skills. Now how do I prove myself if I'm in this kind of mess? FML.
5. Running is one of the best stress-relievers. I don't mind taking a run even if I'm super duper tired. Will make sure to do this at least once a week. So far, haven't missed a run!
6. I will try my best to eat breakfast everyday and wake up earlier so that I won't be late.
7. I need to get back on track, seriously.
8. I miss the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach. Right now I get nothing but pain in my stomach... Okay, that was an overstatement. :)
So help me, GOD.
2. On a brighter note, I am looking forward to watching Valentine's Day. Aside from its star-studded cast, I am curious to know what will happen in this movie... Most likely to be very reminiscent of "He's Just Not that Into You" or "Love Actually". Now all I need is a movie date.
3. I am thinking if I have been too harsh with him on the whole situation... I don't know, it just makes me wonder what would happen if we have kept in touch until now.
4. I hate getting stressed and all paranoid. It blocks my problem solving skills. Now how do I prove myself if I'm in this kind of mess? FML.
5. Running is one of the best stress-relievers. I don't mind taking a run even if I'm super duper tired. Will make sure to do this at least once a week. So far, haven't missed a run!
6. I will try my best to eat breakfast everyday and wake up earlier so that I won't be late.
7. I need to get back on track, seriously.
8. I miss the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach. Right now I get nothing but pain in my stomach... Okay, that was an overstatement. :)
So help me, GOD.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
One last time.
As much as I wanted to give US a chance, I need to face the reality that you are just not that into me. And what better way for you to show it than through your birthday greeting card and gift.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of having to send a gift all the way to the Philippines. But c'mon, after what we have gone through together last year, you really had to show it bluntly on my face that we are just friends? I beg to differ, we are just not friends. For a time in our year 2009, we were even together. You reciprocated all the sweetness. YOU made me feel special. And obviously in my case you WERE just not a friend. And it hurts me so much that you had to really emphasize on the card that we are JUST friends. The cover card and the personal message. "You have been a great friend. TY" "When FRIENDS have birthdays..." Well, THANKS A LOT MISTER. A little more effort to show some deep gratitude please? I threw the card the very instant I laid my eyes on it.
I know I deserve a better man, and that is the very reason why I am blocking you out of my life now. I can never erase the fact that you have broken my heart. This will be all for the best.
Goodbye, D.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of having to send a gift all the way to the Philippines. But c'mon, after what we have gone through together last year, you really had to show it bluntly on my face that we are just friends? I beg to differ, we are just not friends. For a time in our year 2009, we were even together. You reciprocated all the sweetness. YOU made me feel special. And obviously in my case you WERE just not a friend. And it hurts me so much that you had to really emphasize on the card that we are JUST friends. The cover card and the personal message. "You have been a great friend. TY" "When FRIENDS have birthdays..." Well, THANKS A LOT MISTER. A little more effort to show some deep gratitude please? I threw the card the very instant I laid my eyes on it.
I know I deserve a better man, and that is the very reason why I am blocking you out of my life now. I can never erase the fact that you have broken my heart. This will be all for the best.
Goodbye, D.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
As the Year Ends...
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’ve never done before?
Eat Snake & Frog meat, Go Island Hopping. Tour New York City with Shara :)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept some-- Traveling with friends & Improve Time Management -- but definitely making more next year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin Ria gave birth to Baby Zoey. She is my inaanak. :)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.
5. What countries did you visit?
US & HK
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Focus, Independence, & a consistently Happy Heart.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
A lot -- but maybe it Good Friday this 2009 will still top the list.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing weight and spending for my own trips.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm... Failing to make things work out for my happiness.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Food Poisoning, First day of December
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Buying an LX3 before the year ends. :)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Shara's Return from NYC. And I deserved a birthday celebration this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
YOU KNOW WHO.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Clothes, Travels, & phone cards/celphone bill.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My US TRIP (as usual it was extremely good AND bad),
16. What song/s will always remind you of 2009?
5 songs: Jay Z & Alicia Key's Empire State of Mind, BEP's I Got a Feeling, Taylor Swift's Love Story, Katy Perry's Thinking of You, and of course Lady GaGa's Poker Face.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Depends on what aspect of life. :)
Richer or poorer? Richer (positive thinking!)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Meet new people
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
CRYING and sulking. And HOPING.
20. How will you be spending / did you spend Christmas?
I spent it with my family and my cute pamangkins.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes. Fell hard, now trying to get back on track.
22. How many one-night stands?
Ummm let me check how many to be exact haha.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
GLEE :)
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't really hate anyone naman.
25. What was the best book you read?
Yes Man!
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lady Gaga & Katy Perry
27. What did you want and got?
An E63
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Hands Down... (500) Days of Summer
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24 last December 19 and had an AMAZING time with my friends.
Had a New Yorker theme and had 3 special guests - Shara Cardboards!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If only there was a chance to spend time with you-know-who. That way, I would
have realized things at an earlier time.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
More girly--- Lots of dresses and sleeveless tops, mini skirts and the
beachy feel =)
32. What kept you sane?
My friends and family.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Katy Perry. I adore her.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
MAGUINDANAO MASSACRE.
35. Who did you miss?
Shara & the Sex & the City girls. We rarely hung out this year. :(
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Best People: Angel de Rivera, Ryan Tan,
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Love yourself first before loving others.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I'm Still Breathing -- Katy Perry
So as I write this letter
And shed my last tear
It's all for the better
That we end this year
Let's close this chapter
Say one last prayer
But don't say that you loved me
I'm still breathing
Though we've been dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're going down for sure
Already been diagnosed
So let's give up the ghost
Eat Snake & Frog meat, Go Island Hopping. Tour New York City with Shara :)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kept some-- Traveling with friends & Improve Time Management -- but definitely making more next year.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin Ria gave birth to Baby Zoey. She is my inaanak. :)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.
5. What countries did you visit?
US & HK
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Focus, Independence, & a consistently Happy Heart.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
A lot -- but maybe it Good Friday this 2009 will still top the list.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Losing weight and spending for my own trips.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Hmm... Failing to make things work out for my happiness.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Food Poisoning, First day of December
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Buying an LX3 before the year ends. :)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Shara's Return from NYC. And I deserved a birthday celebration this year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
YOU KNOW WHO.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Clothes, Travels, & phone cards/celphone bill.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My US TRIP (as usual it was extremely good AND bad),
16. What song/s will always remind you of 2009?
5 songs: Jay Z & Alicia Key's Empire State of Mind, BEP's I Got a Feeling, Taylor Swift's Love Story, Katy Perry's Thinking of You, and of course Lady GaGa's Poker Face.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Depends on what aspect of life. :)
Richer or poorer? Richer (positive thinking!)
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Meet new people
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
CRYING and sulking. And HOPING.
20. How will you be spending / did you spend Christmas?
I spent it with my family and my cute pamangkins.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes. Fell hard, now trying to get back on track.
22. How many one-night stands?
Ummm let me check how many to be exact haha.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
GLEE :)
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't really hate anyone naman.
25. What was the best book you read?
Yes Man!
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lady Gaga & Katy Perry
27. What did you want and got?
An E63
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Hands Down... (500) Days of Summer
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 24 last December 19 and had an AMAZING time with my friends.
Had a New Yorker theme and had 3 special guests - Shara Cardboards!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If only there was a chance to spend time with you-know-who. That way, I would
have realized things at an earlier time.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
More girly--- Lots of dresses and sleeveless tops, mini skirts and the
beachy feel =)
32. What kept you sane?
My friends and family.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Katy Perry. I adore her.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
MAGUINDANAO MASSACRE.
35. Who did you miss?
Shara & the Sex & the City girls. We rarely hung out this year. :(
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Best People: Angel de Rivera, Ryan Tan,
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Love yourself first before loving others.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I'm Still Breathing -- Katy Perry
So as I write this letter
And shed my last tear
It's all for the better
That we end this year
Let's close this chapter
Say one last prayer
But don't say that you loved me
I'm still breathing
Though we've been dead for awhile
This sickness has no cure
We're going down for sure
Already been diagnosed
So let's give up the ghost
ABOUT TIME.
Last night, I FINALLY told myself that I've had enough of the nerd. It's no longer helping me. I cannot move on with him around. And I realized, after all the pain he has given me, I never really made him feel how mad and pissed I have been with how he has treated me. I always give in and forgive him for all his mistakes. It was too easy for him to win me back... After not talking to me for a month and coming back to my world just like that (back in May).. After taking my emails for granted and making me wait ALL THE TIME... After breaking my heart and telling me "it's all for the good" (maybe it's more for HIS good)... There are still so much more that I can write here but I choose not to...
THIS IS IT. It's about time I think of myself first before anybody else.
Goodbye.
PS.
To whom it may concern, please let me heal first. I thought I healed and moved on but looks like I haven't. It does not really help me that you are still around. Endless comments on my Facebook account. Emailing me random messages of "makes me remember our memories, etc", but when I send a random email of "I miss you" you just shrug it off. Messaging me on Gtalk only if you have time. Telling me you have problems but when I ask you say "I'm talking to God". Talking on Skype for 6 hours. Making me believe we can still work it out in the future.
I want to let you know I am also human and I FEEL. You tell me I am overly dramatic, YES I AM. But I am not overreacting. You deserve this after all the heartbreak and pain. I am tired and sick of waiting and hoping. I need my life back. I need me.
THIS IS IT. It's about time I think of myself first before anybody else.
Goodbye.
PS.
To whom it may concern, please let me heal first. I thought I healed and moved on but looks like I haven't. It does not really help me that you are still around. Endless comments on my Facebook account. Emailing me random messages of "makes me remember our memories, etc", but when I send a random email of "I miss you" you just shrug it off. Messaging me on Gtalk only if you have time. Telling me you have problems but when I ask you say "I'm talking to God". Talking on Skype for 6 hours. Making me believe we can still work it out in the future.
I want to let you know I am also human and I FEEL. You tell me I am overly dramatic, YES I AM. But I am not overreacting. You deserve this after all the heartbreak and pain. I am tired and sick of waiting and hoping. I need my life back. I need me.
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