I got bored at work today, so I decided to answer a quiz from tickle.com.
The Quiz: Why are you still SINGLE?
I know, it's about my single-ness again, but I couldn't help but post the results here. It just speaks so much about how I feel.
Here's what tickle.com told me:
"Enjel, you're single because you don't want to commit
Once the blush of first love wears off with your partners, do you get a little antsy? You probably crave excitement in all realms of your life, and you need a relationship to keep you filled with possibilities. Let us guess: Someone has probably told you that you haven't quite grown up yet, that you're still holding out for the perfect "whatevers" (job, car, home, date) in your life to come a knockin'. Or perhaps you're just having a difficult time accepting that your comfortable little place in this world is always growing, always evolving — and that means you have to be willing to accept big life changes, too. Not that there's anything wrong with that. After all, you're probably a lot of fun to be around and may be the life of the party. But when it comes to settling down, you leave without looking back twice. Now's the time to ask yourself: Why? What's holding you back? Maybe you don't want someone to get to know you fully? Perhaps by saying "yes" to someone, you're afraid you'll lose yourself, or the possibility of something better coming along. Just remember that the best relationships are those that never stop growing. That's something you can identify with, right? So keep that in mind next time you find someone you're really comfortable with. You never know, it may prove even more exciting once you really get to know each other, teensy flaws and all. "
Haha. One word to describe after reading the results: WHAPAK!
I guess I need to risk IF I do want to get in a relationship. :)
Monday, October 09, 2006
Monday, October 02, 2006
Forever Ms. Matchmaker
I guess everybody who consistently reads my blog knows that I've never had a boyfriend since birth. I never really explained why I don't, but here are some reasons why even up to now, I've never had any dashing prince charming:
- Father Issues: I'm daddy's little princess and that scares some guys away.
- Immaturity issues: Back in college, when it came to issues of love and crushes, I had the heart of a thirteen year-old..... Yes. God knows how many crushes (and obssessions) I had years ago.
- My "Loudness": I guess being too talkative and active in school wasn't so attracting to guys.
- Wrong crowd: My friends say that I hang out with the wrong guys. It's either I meet guys who treat me like a sister...... Or guys make friends with me just because I know a girl they apparently like.
That last statement I just wrote has been a "curse" for me since time immemorial. Guys never made friends with me just because they were interested with me. It was always because I was the friend of this girl they liked or found pretty. It seemed like my name always had to be connected to another girl's name, a girl whom guys usually find "interesting" or "hot". Rarely do I meet guys who wanted to get to know who I am. Instead, I become friends with these guys because they'd like to get to know my friends through me.
I know. It's such a stupid insecurity, but experiencing the same thing over and over again isn't funny anymore. Actually, it gets really sick and tiring that these guys just want nothing but the 411 on my friends that they like. It even gets more annoying to see your crushes make friends with you just to get closer to your "pretty" or "more crushable" friends. What's worse, it REALLY sucks when guys just say hi to you when you happen to be in the company of your "hot" friend while totally forgetting they know you when they bump onto you in the mall alone.
Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for my friends who ended up in each other's arms through me. I'm happy that I was a "key factor" to their beautiful relationships. I've always believed that friendship is more important than my issues with men. I promised myself never to fight with a friend just because I guy I liked ended up liking her. I've always seen myself get over my crushes who end up with my friends. In fact, I still happen to be really close with these girl friends of mine...But how long will I be able to just forget and move on with life? I'm only human. My patience and understanding cannot last forever.
I just cannot be the matchmaker all the time. When will the time come for ME?:(
Monday, September 18, 2006
New Groupie in the House
... I know. It's a humiliating feeling. This is definitely so not me. I just don't go gaga over a band in a night.
THIS IS BAD.
I think I'm officially a Bloomfields groupie!
Well, not that Bloomfields creates annoying music. Don't get me wrong about that! In fact, they really do play happy music! When I heard them sing, it's like I'm being brought back in an era of the Beatles (duh, they play their music). What's greater is they're actually OUR age, so I feel like I can relate to them more. :)
I guess the fact that I keep on visiting their website, google them, and tell everybody about the band makes it weirder.
And perhaps that's what makes me say I'm a groupie in the making.
I wanna go back to Metrowalk on Thursday!!!!!
THIS IS BAD.
I think I'm officially a Bloomfields groupie!
Well, not that Bloomfields creates annoying music. Don't get me wrong about that! In fact, they really do play happy music! When I heard them sing, it's like I'm being brought back in an era of the Beatles (duh, they play their music). What's greater is they're actually OUR age, so I feel like I can relate to them more. :)
I guess the fact that I keep on visiting their website, google them, and tell everybody about the band makes it weirder.
And perhaps that's what makes me say I'm a groupie in the making.
I wanna go back to Metrowalk on Thursday!!!!!
Friday, September 15, 2006
A Bad Day gone Good :)
Wow. It seemed like God answered my prayers pretty fast! Little did I know that I will be getting all the answers I needed from no one else but my dad. And now I feel WAY WAY WAY better than how I did just hours ago.
I was actually not planning to tell my parents about it. It's a very personal problem and I wouldn't want them going all over me and scolding me about my attitude. Well, my loneliness was too much to be hidden. When they asked me what's wrong, I just cried and cried.
... And that's when dad started talking. Of course, I didn't escape the scolding part. He told me that I should stop thinking and acting this way, that I should get back up and focus. He also shared his experiences in his career, and his colleagues' as well. Most importantly, he told me that it's better to commit mistakes now than in the future.... Actually, my boss tells me that all the time. It's just that hearing it from my father made it more real and relative to me.
I guess the main point of his pep talk was to learn how to love your job and DEFINITELY do your best in it. I emphasized on "definitely" because one (like a certain one like me) can just say that he is trying his best whereas in fact, he really isn't. One's passion and drive to succeed and admit defeat becomes his evidence of doing his best in the work he has. I realized that it's not just proving to your boss that you're capable of doing many things. Many are capable, but only few are capable AND passionate.
For sure a lot of us new grads are on the same boat. We are still neophytes and we still got a lot to prove. You will agree with me that it's not easy. In fact, it will never be easy for us because even if we're out of the four walls we once called our classrooms, we still continue to learn. Only thing is, we're now in the real world, so there's no other way for us to prove to people that we are worth investing in (companies do invest in us... they pay us! :D) except through our actions, unlike in school where we have our grades as proof to our excellence.
And besides, whoever said that one can go straight up the top of the ladder? It's just like playing snakes and ladders. It's very hard to go up the finish line yet so easy to go back at the bottom.
So now, after tripping and falling down, I am ready to face a new challenge once again. I guess I just needed a bit of refueling. I had to go to a pitstop to energize myself and realize that it's not the end of the race yet. It will still be a long journey, AND I AM NOT GIVING UP.
To the numbers, mathematical signs, economics, and finance.... I'm ready.
:)
I was actually not planning to tell my parents about it. It's a very personal problem and I wouldn't want them going all over me and scolding me about my attitude. Well, my loneliness was too much to be hidden. When they asked me what's wrong, I just cried and cried.
... And that's when dad started talking. Of course, I didn't escape the scolding part. He told me that I should stop thinking and acting this way, that I should get back up and focus. He also shared his experiences in his career, and his colleagues' as well. Most importantly, he told me that it's better to commit mistakes now than in the future.... Actually, my boss tells me that all the time. It's just that hearing it from my father made it more real and relative to me.
I guess the main point of his pep talk was to learn how to love your job and DEFINITELY do your best in it. I emphasized on "definitely" because one (like a certain one like me) can just say that he is trying his best whereas in fact, he really isn't. One's passion and drive to succeed and admit defeat becomes his evidence of doing his best in the work he has. I realized that it's not just proving to your boss that you're capable of doing many things. Many are capable, but only few are capable AND passionate.
For sure a lot of us new grads are on the same boat. We are still neophytes and we still got a lot to prove. You will agree with me that it's not easy. In fact, it will never be easy for us because even if we're out of the four walls we once called our classrooms, we still continue to learn. Only thing is, we're now in the real world, so there's no other way for us to prove to people that we are worth investing in (companies do invest in us... they pay us! :D) except through our actions, unlike in school where we have our grades as proof to our excellence.
And besides, whoever said that one can go straight up the top of the ladder? It's just like playing snakes and ladders. It's very hard to go up the finish line yet so easy to go back at the bottom.
So now, after tripping and falling down, I am ready to face a new challenge once again. I guess I just needed a bit of refueling. I had to go to a pitstop to energize myself and realize that it's not the end of the race yet. It will still be a long journey, AND I AM NOT GIVING UP.
To the numbers, mathematical signs, economics, and finance.... I'm ready.
:)
Bad Day
From the moment I woke up, I knew that this day (September 15, 2006) wouldn't be a very good one.
And I was right.
My bad day started when I first got my top all wet upon leaving the house. I had to go back home and change because the location of the "wet spot" wasn't very nice (I'd resemble a breast-feeding mother... get it?). Because of this, I was late at work, after almost a month of being on-time.
I thought it would just be a normal day at work for me, but NO. I was bombarded by all these scary symbols and figures we refer to as numbers and mathematical signs. Back in school, I have never been a fan of Math, but I have always tolerated them. It has only been now that I have become VERY scared of numbers, especially when some analysis (e.g. finance stuff) is involved.
On top of that, things became worse when I ended up committing a mistake every 30 minutes. I wouldn't do things the right way. I forgot some things due to sleepyness. I didn't answer the phone. I miscalculated the prices. I didn't indicate a few things in my letter. I didn't finish doing my homework. To add up to my bad day, I had a pretty bad throat. My colds were also building up, which made the day "heavier".
To date, this has been the worst working day of my life. I mean, yeah, I had my other bad days at work, but I have never felt so down and lonely with the things I do. I couldn't blame anyone but me for all the mistakes. After all, I was tasked to do something and for some reason I'd end up screwing them up. My confidence level has plunged down to the bottom. It seemed as if I was an airhead in a world full of geniuses and "masters".
You know, it feels so bad when you're expected to do so much when all you could so is just a tidbit of that "so much". That's exactly how I feel now. Even if I try so hard to love what I'm doing, the fact that I just don't have enough confidence in myself pulls me down. I guess there's too much fear in me to conquer this whole new world of fish and prices because it mainly involves a lot of the things I avoided back in college (economics and finance-related matters). I believe I've exerted my best, but just seeing this best of mine to be not enough for what I'm doing fustrates me. It fustrates me to not grasp everything that I'm learning. It fustrates me to just commit so many mistakes and fall all the time. It fustrates me that I am not able to meet their standards, and that I do not love numbers the same way they do. Most of all, it fustrates me because deep inside I KNOW I CAN DO IT, it's just that I lack the confidence to do so.
No, I do not want to quit just yet. As what my friend has told me, it's too early to tell. I've only been at work for 3 months and just getting the hang of it. And besides, I believe that being in this company is good training, and in able for me to grow, I know I'll be needing a lot of training from them. But sometimes, I have to admit that I want to quit and look for a job that suits me better. Then again, I still have three more months to get back on the field and fight. Three months to know what I really want in life.
... And I'll be needing a lot of help from God.
And I was right.
My bad day started when I first got my top all wet upon leaving the house. I had to go back home and change because the location of the "wet spot" wasn't very nice (I'd resemble a breast-feeding mother... get it?). Because of this, I was late at work, after almost a month of being on-time.
I thought it would just be a normal day at work for me, but NO. I was bombarded by all these scary symbols and figures we refer to as numbers and mathematical signs. Back in school, I have never been a fan of Math, but I have always tolerated them. It has only been now that I have become VERY scared of numbers, especially when some analysis (e.g. finance stuff) is involved.
On top of that, things became worse when I ended up committing a mistake every 30 minutes. I wouldn't do things the right way. I forgot some things due to sleepyness. I didn't answer the phone. I miscalculated the prices. I didn't indicate a few things in my letter. I didn't finish doing my homework. To add up to my bad day, I had a pretty bad throat. My colds were also building up, which made the day "heavier".
To date, this has been the worst working day of my life. I mean, yeah, I had my other bad days at work, but I have never felt so down and lonely with the things I do. I couldn't blame anyone but me for all the mistakes. After all, I was tasked to do something and for some reason I'd end up screwing them up. My confidence level has plunged down to the bottom. It seemed as if I was an airhead in a world full of geniuses and "masters".
You know, it feels so bad when you're expected to do so much when all you could so is just a tidbit of that "so much". That's exactly how I feel now. Even if I try so hard to love what I'm doing, the fact that I just don't have enough confidence in myself pulls me down. I guess there's too much fear in me to conquer this whole new world of fish and prices because it mainly involves a lot of the things I avoided back in college (economics and finance-related matters). I believe I've exerted my best, but just seeing this best of mine to be not enough for what I'm doing fustrates me. It fustrates me to not grasp everything that I'm learning. It fustrates me to just commit so many mistakes and fall all the time. It fustrates me that I am not able to meet their standards, and that I do not love numbers the same way they do. Most of all, it fustrates me because deep inside I KNOW I CAN DO IT, it's just that I lack the confidence to do so.
No, I do not want to quit just yet. As what my friend has told me, it's too early to tell. I've only been at work for 3 months and just getting the hang of it. And besides, I believe that being in this company is good training, and in able for me to grow, I know I'll be needing a lot of training from them. But sometimes, I have to admit that I want to quit and look for a job that suits me better. Then again, I still have three more months to get back on the field and fight. Three months to know what I really want in life.
... And I'll be needing a lot of help from God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
