Call me dramatic, but I am in pain right now. I feel so alone, so empty... so lonely. Like everything great happening in my life is just from the outside. Sometimes, I feel like I am pretending to be fine yet deep inside I am crushing. I don't understand why I am feeling this way, I should be really thankful for all the blessing I've had these past few months. Not everybody can say that they were given an opportunity to work abroad and experience independence at 25 years old... But why do I feel this way? Why do I still seek for true happiness? Why is there always a need for me to be with people or with somebody? Why can't I just live my life and do what I want without feeling down?
I am praying for strength to get over this stage. I've had a lot of drama in my life but I don't think I have gone through anything this bad. People may think that this is merely because of the recent "heartbreak" I had with this jerk/asshole I have gone out with these past few months.... Okay fine probably a big part of this is because of him and his devious ways, but it just sucks how that heartbreak could get along with my other personal issues.
I wake up not knowing what I want in life. I wake up feeling sad, empty, lonely... I really want to do something about it but I don't know where to start. I try hard-- I distract myself with work, jogging, movies, parties, clubbing, socializing.... But where is true happiness in all of this? How can I achieve this?
I know that I'll get over this soon. I know I will. I hope I can help myself get over this... I miss my family and my friends in Manila/Cebu so much. But I am still lucky to have a good set of friends in town. I don't know if I will survive all this drama without them. And thank God for Facebook & BBM. Helps me keep in touch.
I'll be okay, I will keep my positive thinking in mind... It's what I only have now. Faith in God and myself.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Update: Randomness of it all
Being alone here in Singapore has given me more time to think of the things that I really want in my life. It also helped me get to know myself better. Some realizations from the past 3 months:
1. I hate being alone most of the time. It makes me sad and paranoid. I will never be a homebody.
2. But if I am in the mood to be alone, I shut everybody off and watch my favorite movies & TV shows in my room.
3. I will never survive without Facebook or Twitter.
4. I am not afraid to take risks -- I would rather take the plunge and get hurt than just leave questions unanswered.
5. I miss the feeling of being taken cared of... That does not mean I want a boyfriend though. I think having one at this point of my life will just distract me from doing the things that I want. It would just be nice to get the feeling of knowing that somebody is just around there on the side ;)
6. My family has raised me pretty well. Thanks for being the strict parents that you are, mom & dad.
7. I still think my faith is still very in tact.
8. I will always be the girly kikay girl who will not live without monthly nail spa visits.
9. I can never store so much food at home, it will just rot.
10. True friends are HARD to find. You will always meet new friends but not all of them can be real friends.
11. No one can ruin the moment as worst as you yourself.
12. I really am BOY CRAZY. Harsh reality.
13. Expectations will just ruin everything.
14. ... that a Blackberry is like a wedding ring. It's what seals your marriage with your work. (not complaining at all)
15. I am a proud workaholic.
16. Even if I can be conscious of my weight, I would still prefer to live life & enjoy eating than starve myself to death.
Oh and about my last blog about my soulmate, I think I concluded too early...He was not YET the one. Good thing, he wasn't.
1. I hate being alone most of the time. It makes me sad and paranoid. I will never be a homebody.
2. But if I am in the mood to be alone, I shut everybody off and watch my favorite movies & TV shows in my room.
3. I will never survive without Facebook or Twitter.
4. I am not afraid to take risks -- I would rather take the plunge and get hurt than just leave questions unanswered.
5. I miss the feeling of being taken cared of... That does not mean I want a boyfriend though. I think having one at this point of my life will just distract me from doing the things that I want. It would just be nice to get the feeling of knowing that somebody is just around there on the side ;)
6. My family has raised me pretty well. Thanks for being the strict parents that you are, mom & dad.
7. I still think my faith is still very in tact.
8. I will always be the girly kikay girl who will not live without monthly nail spa visits.
9. I can never store so much food at home, it will just rot.
10. True friends are HARD to find. You will always meet new friends but not all of them can be real friends.
11. No one can ruin the moment as worst as you yourself.
12. I really am BOY CRAZY. Harsh reality.
13. Expectations will just ruin everything.
14. ... that a Blackberry is like a wedding ring. It's what seals your marriage with your work. (not complaining at all)
15. I am a proud workaholic.
16. Even if I can be conscious of my weight, I would still prefer to live life & enjoy eating than starve myself to death.
Oh and about my last blog about my soulmate, I think I concluded too early...He was not YET the one. Good thing, he wasn't.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
My Soulmate (?)
I've always believed in destiny. I know that my soulmate is just out there... And I think I have met him 2 years back.
I know, it seems odd to say this once again after ranting about him a couple of times in this blog, but I can't help but wonder that MAYBE he really is the guy for me... But not for now. We've gone through so many challenges and sacrifices... I have also dated other guys in the span of 2 years but why is it that at the end of the day, I still run to him? He may be thousands of miles away from me but he seems to keep coming back in my life. And it's odd how we try to stay away from each other but I still feel the need to talk to him, or for some chance, we even end up seeing each other this year???????
Sorry, I really don't make any sense while I'm writing. I am just literally writing whatever I'm thinking right now to document this moment. But anyway, yes I was just with the guy of my dreams last Friday and Saturday night. I only found out he was coming to town last Wednesday and 2 days after, we were strolling by Clarke Quay with our bottle of Hoegaarden's. It felt like a dream... I've been dreaming so long for the day when we meet each other again. Last time I saw him in person was in April 2009, and I was even with my cousin. Now the chance to be together-- just him and I-- has finally happened. I couldn't ask for anything more.
On our last night together, I could not help but be all emo and open with my feelings. It was like this feeling which I tried so hard to let go in the previous year was opened again. And it felt a lot better now because I am already aware of the limits of our relationship and how much we can only handle. I am more mature and strong now... It felt great to be around his arms... I don't even know when I can get that again.
I miss him already... I really do. But then again all I can do now is be patient and just let God do His magic. Seeing him these past two days alone has been magic for me. It's funny, when I think about it, it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. So happy because I was given the chance to spend even at least 2 days with the person that really matters to me. So sad at the same time because I don't know how long I will have to wait again to get this feeling. It's just different when he's right in front of you, hugging you, and holding your hand to make sure you are safe.
Til next time, my soulmate.
I know, it seems odd to say this once again after ranting about him a couple of times in this blog, but I can't help but wonder that MAYBE he really is the guy for me... But not for now. We've gone through so many challenges and sacrifices... I have also dated other guys in the span of 2 years but why is it that at the end of the day, I still run to him? He may be thousands of miles away from me but he seems to keep coming back in my life. And it's odd how we try to stay away from each other but I still feel the need to talk to him, or for some chance, we even end up seeing each other this year???????
Sorry, I really don't make any sense while I'm writing. I am just literally writing whatever I'm thinking right now to document this moment. But anyway, yes I was just with the guy of my dreams last Friday and Saturday night. I only found out he was coming to town last Wednesday and 2 days after, we were strolling by Clarke Quay with our bottle of Hoegaarden's. It felt like a dream... I've been dreaming so long for the day when we meet each other again. Last time I saw him in person was in April 2009, and I was even with my cousin. Now the chance to be together-- just him and I-- has finally happened. I couldn't ask for anything more.
On our last night together, I could not help but be all emo and open with my feelings. It was like this feeling which I tried so hard to let go in the previous year was opened again. And it felt a lot better now because I am already aware of the limits of our relationship and how much we can only handle. I am more mature and strong now... It felt great to be around his arms... I don't even know when I can get that again.
I miss him already... I really do. But then again all I can do now is be patient and just let God do His magic. Seeing him these past two days alone has been magic for me. It's funny, when I think about it, it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. So happy because I was given the chance to spend even at least 2 days with the person that really matters to me. So sad at the same time because I don't know how long I will have to wait again to get this feeling. It's just different when he's right in front of you, hugging you, and holding your hand to make sure you are safe.
Til next time, my soulmate.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Friday, October 01, 2010
Worse than a Break-Up.
In fifteen days, I will be leaving behind my life's worth for the past 4 years.
I never expected it to be this emotional. Though I am off to greener pastures, I have invested so much on this job physically, mentally, & emotionally that it is also difficult to just let it all go. It feels like I have left my boyfriend! But sometimes, we need to make difficult choices that we know will make us
better persons in the future.
I will miss staying up late to call customers & close deals. More importantly, I will miss the people I work with. It's the people around you, whether good or bad, that makes the whole experience worthwhile. I have also learned so much these past four years that I will never see tuna in the same light ever again.
On a brighter note, I am really looking forward to my next BIG adventure! This is definitely just the beginning. :)
I never expected it to be this emotional. Though I am off to greener pastures, I have invested so much on this job physically, mentally, & emotionally that it is also difficult to just let it all go. It feels like I have left my boyfriend! But sometimes, we need to make difficult choices that we know will make us
better persons in the future.
I will miss staying up late to call customers & close deals. More importantly, I will miss the people I work with. It's the people around you, whether good or bad, that makes the whole experience worthwhile. I have also learned so much these past four years that I will never see tuna in the same light ever again.
On a brighter note, I am really looking forward to my next BIG adventure! This is definitely just the beginning. :)
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