Quarter Life Crisis

Call me dramatic, but I am in pain right now. I feel so alone, so empty... so lonely. Like everything great happening in my life is just from the outside. Sometimes, I feel like I am pretending to be fine yet deep inside I am crushing. I don't understand why I am feeling this way, I should be really thankful for all the blessing I've had these past few months. Not everybody can say that they were given an opportunity to work abroad and experience independence at 25 years old... But why do I feel this way? Why do I still seek for true happiness? Why is there always a need for me to be with people or with somebody? Why can't I just live my life and do what I want without feeling down?

I am praying for strength to get over this stage. I've had a lot of drama in my life but I don't think I have gone through anything this bad. People may think that this is merely because of the recent "heartbreak" I had with this jerk/asshole I have gone out with these past few months.... Okay fine probably a big part of this is because of him and his devious ways, but it just sucks how that heartbreak could get along with my other personal issues.

I wake up not knowing what I want in life. I wake up feeling sad, empty, lonely... I really want to do something about it but I don't know where to start. I try hard-- I distract myself with work, jogging, movies, parties, clubbing, socializing.... But where is true happiness in all of this? How can I achieve this?

I know that I'll get over this soon. I know I will. I hope I can help myself get over this... I miss my family and my friends in Manila/Cebu so much. But I am still lucky to have a good set of friends in town. I don't know if I will survive all this drama without them. And thank God for Facebook & BBM. Helps me keep in touch.

I'll be okay, I will keep my positive thinking in mind... It's what I only have now. Faith in God and myself.

Update: Randomness of it all

Being alone here in Singapore has given me more time to think of the things that I really want in my life. It also helped me get to know myself better. Some realizations from the past 3 months:

1. I hate being alone most of the time. It makes me sad and paranoid. I will never be a homebody.
2. But if I am in the mood to be alone, I shut everybody off and watch my favorite movies & TV shows in my room.
3. I will never survive without Facebook or Twitter.
4. I am not afraid to take risks -- I would rather take the plunge and get hurt than just leave questions unanswered.
5. I miss the feeling of being taken cared of... That does not mean I want a boyfriend though. I think having one at this point of my life will just distract me from doing the things that I want. It would just be nice to get the feeling of knowing that somebody is just around there on the side ;)
6. My family has raised me pretty well. Thanks for being the strict parents that you are, mom & dad.
7. I still think my faith is still very in tact.
8. I will always be the girly kikay girl who will not live without monthly nail spa visits.
9. I can never store so much food at home, it will just rot.
10. True friends are HARD to find. You will always meet new friends but not all of them can be real friends.
11. No one can ruin the moment as worst as you yourself.

12. I really am BOY CRAZY. Harsh reality.
13. Expectations will just ruin everything.
14. ... that a Blackberry is like a wedding ring. It's what seals your marriage with your work. (not complaining at all)
15. I am a proud workaholic.
16. Even if I can be conscious of my weight, I would still prefer to live life & enjoy eating than starve myself to death.

Oh and about my last blog about my soulmate, I think I concluded too early...He was not YET the one. Good thing, he wasn't.