My Soulmate (?)

I've always believed in destiny. I know that my soulmate is just out there... And I think I have met him 2 years back.

I know, it seems odd to say this once again after ranting about him a couple of times in this blog, but I can't help but wonder that MAYBE he really is the guy for me... But not for now. We've gone through so many challenges and sacrifices... I have also dated other guys in the span of 2 years but why is it that at the end of the day, I still run to him? He may be thousands of miles away from me but he seems to keep coming back in my life. And it's odd how we try to stay away from each other but I still feel the need to talk to him, or for some chance, we even end up seeing each other this year???????

Sorry, I really don't make any sense while I'm writing. I am just literally writing whatever I'm thinking right now to document this moment. But anyway, yes I was just with the guy of my dreams last Friday and Saturday night. I only found out he was coming to town last Wednesday and 2 days after, we were strolling by Clarke Quay with our bottle of Hoegaarden's. It felt like a dream... I've been dreaming so long for the day when we meet each other again. Last time I saw him in person was in April 2009, and I was even with my cousin. Now the chance to  be together-- just him and I-- has finally happened. I couldn't ask for anything more.

On our last night together, I could not help but be all emo and open with my feelings. It was like this feeling which I tried so hard to let go in the previous year was opened again. And it felt a lot better now because I am already aware of the limits of our relationship and how much we can only handle. I am more mature and strong now... It felt great to be around his arms... I don't even know when I can get that again.

I miss him already... I really do. But then again all I can do now is be patient and just let God do His magic. Seeing him these past two days alone has been magic for me. It's funny, when I think about it, it makes me so happy and so sad at the same time. So happy because I was given the chance to spend even at least 2 days with the person that really matters to me. So sad at the same time because I don't know how long I will have to wait again to get this feeling. It's just different when he's right in front of you, hugging you, and holding your hand to make sure you are safe.

Til next time, my soulmate.

BRUNO MARS.

Just because I love you and you have revived the fangirl in me.

That's all. :)

Worse than a Break-Up.

In fifteen days, I will be leaving behind my life's worth for the past 4 years.

I  never expected it to be this emotional. Though I am off to greener pastures, I have invested so much on this job physically, mentally, & emotionally that  it is also difficult to just let it all go. It feels like I have left my boyfriend! But  sometimes, we need to  make difficult choices that we know will make us
better persons in the future.

I will miss staying up late to call customers & close deals. More importantly, I will miss the people I work with. It's the people around you, whether good or bad, that makes the whole experience worthwhile. I have also learned so much these past four years that I will never see tuna in the same light ever again.

On a brighter note, I am really looking forward to my next BIG adventure! This is definitely just the beginning. :)

Goodbye, Facebook

Last night, I did the impossible. I deactivated my Facebook account.

If you know me personally, I'm sure I'm the least likely person to quit the wonderful
world of Facebook. I update daily, post photos religiously, subscribe to "God's Message
for the day", use Facebook chat like crazy... You get the picture.

But on the other hand, I started to feel like Facebook has taken over my life. First thing
I do when I wake up? Check facebook on my celphone. My email inbox is also flooding
with Facebook notifications! When I'm out with my friends, I check facebook on my celphone
(again)... At work, I reply to my emails to update my facebook profile... I change my profile
picture every other day... What's worse, I realized I have neglected so much other important
(and basic) things in my life. I have lost my sense of time management along the process...

I don't think there's really anything wrong with Facebook, but maybe if I learn how to control
it I will be back.. But for now, I will try my best to focus on other things and be a more productive
person.

Now the next challenge is really learning how to keep this thing going...

My Flickr

I decided to revive my Flickr site for my "creative" portfolio. Please visit!!


Angel Bagel's Flickr - CLICK ME!

New Yaawwwkkk!!!!

The trip that I have been waiting for the longest time is finally coming in 3 days.
I hope I nail it this time.... I have a big, big feeling I will. :)

Wish me luck!!

What do you want?

One question that I can't seem to answer.... YET.

Lesgow Pinatubow!

After all the madness from last week, at least I have something to look forward to on June 5...

Because Junes 5 is Pinatubo Day with IB & Friends! Lesgow Pinatubow!

Random.

Easy Target?

I recently asked one of my close friends if I look like I am someone who is easy to get. He said I'm not easy to get but I am an easy target. When I asked why, he said it's because I exude this friendly, happy-go-lucky image and that I look like I'm game for almost anything.

With was has been happening in my life lately, I can't deny the fact that maybe I DO look like an easy target. It's frustrating because I get judged by people without them understanding who I really am. I may be a happy-go-lucky person but I know my limits. It's really starting to bother me.

Honestly, I don't want to change this trait but maybe, all this madness is indeed a sign that I should back off and lie low for now.

Fireproof

Saw a really good and heartwarming movie today on HBO entitled Fireproof. It's about a husband & wife on the verge of getting a divorce but rekindling the love after 40 days. Along the process, the husband finds Christ & becomes a better husband, while the wife realizes the sacrifices & changes her husband went through to prove his love.

Really, really sweet.Yun lang, just wanted to share. :)

YUM =)

Indonesian Fried Chicken at Twentyone Plates is L-O-V-E. <3

Breaktime.

There comes a point in your life when you stop and reflect what has happened so far. Now that I am sick due to excessive partying (and after-office dinners), I can't help but look back and better understand if I am happy with who I have become.

The reason behind this "emoness" is due to a lot of spontaneous and fun events. The past few weeks have been nothing but crazy. I went out almost everyday, "hung out" with someone, came back from a business trip then straight to the bar to get drunk-- twice, went home at 5 in the morning, met new people and random strangers, got drunk some more... The list goes on.

There's actually nothing wrong with what I have been doing lately. It's not like I started smoking pot or had one night stands. I just feel that I do not like who I am becoming to be. I feel the need to control my urge to have fun. I need to lie low... Tone down and just chill for a bit. Focus on other important things like work and family.  Get to know what I really want to do and who I want to become. Rest to party more soon (haha okay fine, maybe I still like to go out and party but not to the extent of getting drunk). Re-assess my priorities.

I'm taking a break.

Grab a Crab... Now!

I love T-Town because of their delicious and relatively cheap food. :)

Here's some proof to this:

Yum :)

Food Trip!

I would like to take this opportunity to forever remember the time when I had Buffalo Wings & Choco Chip Frap on a Monday night. So far, this night tops my list of favorite moments in 2010. Some interesting conversations happened on this night. I am really hoping and praying to have more of these nights in the future.
What a great way to start the week! :)

Oh, and thank you too for saving my night. :)

Lolalove.

Wawa is so sweet. She just asked me to join her tomorrow. She needs a movie date. The movie? Babe, I Love You. Haha. Wawa talaga.

I also told her she had a pretty pink lipstick. She just reacted like a little kid and said, "Ako?!?!".

Love my Wawa so much! :)

The night when she just boogied away... 

In YOUR Face.

I'm very, very proud with what I did today. I can finally say I AM OVER YOU.

Now it's time to move on. 

I just wanted to say that and take advantage of this awesome awesome feeling.

Didi, my American Idol

It's such a big disappointment for me to see her leave at this stage in AI. I mean, look at that wonderful rendition of Terrified?!?! America should be terrified with their poor, poor decision.

Benami's Version of Terrified

What a shame.

I will remain to be a Benami fan after the show... But an Idol fan?? Hmm, not very impressed with this season's changes and biases.

Holy Week So Far

One word to describe this week: LAZY.

I did nothing but eat, sleep, watch TV, Facebook, and sleep some more. On a brighter note, I attempted to cook Beef Salpicao, Garlic Rice, and Deep-fried Fish Fillet... Not bad.

I should seriously reflect and repent tomorrow. It's Good Friday and I need to do this.

Home Sweet Home

This is home for now.
Photo taken with my Panasonic LX-3. Love.

Colleague's Last Day

A close friend at work is leaving today. Only sunk into me that it's going to be his last day. A part of me does not really care about his departure, but I have to admit he has been a part of my work and personal life (he's the guy behind "The Exposure Theory" lol). Couldn't erase the fact that I'll be partly sad too. I realized that when he dropped me a short note today and thanked me for everything that we have been through together. That was touching, glad to know that even if things did not work out with us in the past (let's just say we drifted apart along the way), we still have an pretty happy ending.

Oh well, people come and go. That's just how life rolls. Now I wonder when that time will come for me. What will make me move on to the next chapter of my work life?

BKK!

I have something to look forward to this May... Our BKK trip. Although it's for work, I'm pretty sure I'll learn a lot from this trip. My first time to have an Asian biz trip aside from North America. I guess I will start counting down the days....

But before that, I have Caliraya & Mt. Pinatubo to be excited for as well.

Yey, I love summer!

Friends???

I spoke too early. He's proposing that we fix things again... as friends. Honestly, I don't know how to approach the whole situation. It's either I go for it or just avoid him again forever. I'm not sure if I should listen to my mind of my heart. I will have to seriously contemplate on this.

2nd Month.

It's been two months since the nerd and I have last spoken. Two months have passed since I received that damned "friendly" greeting card and informative cookbook (yes, it's very informative-- contains 200 recipes below 200 calories while the other one's about 1,000++ pages thick! LOL). Two months.... and counting.

I can't believe time has flown by THIS fast. A lot of things have changed. I went through a major work dilemma (still going through it), been to T-Town & CDO, joined my first run, made friends with a new officemate, continued running some more, lost some weight, partied like rockstars at friends' birthdays, attended a close friend's wedding in Tagaytay... It has been nothing but pure awesomeness for the past weekends of 2010.

But admittedly, there are still days when I miss him. :( Once in a while (especially when I chance upon watching EMO movies hehehe), I still remember our happy moments... But of course after those happy moments, the annoying moments follow. haha.

I don't know, I guess I just miss having a friend like him. He was one of those people whom I could talk to about anything under the sun. With his different cultural background, he would always give me a different perspective on things and issues. I also enjoyed giving advice and helping him out with his issues. I don't think I'll meet someone like him at home.

On the other hand, from these past two months of contemplating and living my life to the "fuller" (not fullest, I believe I have not reached my peak yet hehe), I realized how much I have learned from our failed relationship. The most important thing I have learned is never to give soooo much of yourself to someone else because you lose yourself in the process. I realized I was probably too clingy to the point where it became abnormal already. I figured that there's no such thing as "fate" and "soulmates". I became a lot less of a hopeless romantic... I'm not sure if this will be for the better or worse, but I realized as well how this whole experience has "traumatized" me to fall in love again.... I'm definitely not going to jump to a new relationship anytime soon... Heck, I am not even getting attracted to other men (so not me, by the way)!!

I actually attempted to communicate with him very recently but I did not get any reply. I am sure he has his own reasons. I'm no longer expecting him to reply back, he's probably moved on and is in a better disposition by now. I guess only time can tell what will happen. For now, I just need to accept and move on. I think I am almost there. I hope once I have totally gotten over him, we can still be friends. We have the same birthdays, after all (haha where's the connection?!?!).

Random Thoughts: 1/27/10

1. I stumbled upon the synopsis of the new movie, Dear John based on Nicolas Sparks' novel. Upon reading the novel it just made my heart melt more. Can't help but imagine that this could happen to me. And it more or less proves that long distance relationships are just too difficult to keep.

2. On a brighter note, I am looking forward to watching Valentine's Day. Aside from its star-studded cast, I am curious to know what will happen in this movie... Most likely to be very reminiscent of "He's Just Not that Into You" or "Love Actually". Now all I need is a movie date.

3. I am thinking if I have been too harsh with him on the whole situation... I don't know, it just makes me wonder what would happen if we have kept in touch until now.

4. I hate getting stressed and all paranoid. It blocks my problem solving skills. Now how do I prove myself if I'm in this kind of mess? FML.

5. Running is one of the best stress-relievers. I don't mind taking a run even if I'm super duper tired. Will make sure to do this at least once a week. So far, haven't missed a run!

6. I will try my best to eat breakfast everyday and wake up earlier so that I won't be late.

7. I need to get back on track, seriously.

8. I miss the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach. Right now I get nothing but pain in my stomach... Okay, that was an overstatement. :)

So help me, GOD.

One last time.

As much as I wanted to give US a chance, I need to face the reality that you are just not that into me. And what better way for you to show it than through your birthday greeting card and gift.

Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of having to send a gift all the way to the Philippines. But c'mon, after what we have gone through together last year, you really had to show it bluntly on my face that we are just friends? I beg to differ, we are just not friends. For a time in our year 2009, we were even together. You reciprocated all the sweetness. YOU made me feel special. And obviously in my case you WERE just not a friend. And it hurts me so much that you had to really emphasize on the card that we are JUST friends. The cover card and the personal message. "You have been a great friend. TY" "When FRIENDS have birthdays..." Well, THANKS A LOT MISTER. A little more effort to show some deep gratitude please? I threw the card the very instant I laid my eyes on it.

I know I deserve a better man, and that is the very reason why I am blocking you out of my life now. I can never erase the fact that you have broken my heart. This will be all for the best.

Goodbye, D.